Semiawesome adventures
by finmagik
Summary: The Semi-Awesome post academy adventures of Theta, Koschei, Ushas and Koschei's robotic cat KiT-T. This is cracky and fun mostly. Enjoy.


Theta, Koschei and Ushas semi- awesome adventure.

Under a burnt orange sky, through silver grass four figures walked. Three of them walked on two legs, and wore the traditional tunics of newly graduated Time persons 1 , they carried luggage. The last figure sauntered along on four shiny metal legs and it was considerably shorter then the first three.

"Hurry up KiT-T," called the dark haired youth.

"Shove it Mast--- Oooh! Is that an insect?" said the robotic cat as something on gossamar wings flittered by.

"I'll re program you to feel pain again if you don't get a move on," said the dark haired youth.

"I don't care I have to catch that bug!" KiT-T leaping after the bug.

"Why did you have to make it a feline Koschei?" The middle figure a brown haired young woman sighed.

"I'll take care of KiT-T," said the blond youth who was known as Theta.

KiT-T was shredding the pretty gossamer wings of the unfortunate insect.

Theta put down his bag, snuck up behind KiT-T and grabbed the robot. It struggled and metallic claws slashed at his arms. He found the off switch in front of the tail and pressed it. KiT-T went limp.

"Here's you're sadistic little toy," Theta said handing the robot to Koschei.

Koschei sighed. "KiT-T is very useful you know."

"Only when it wants to be," The girl said.

"Come now Ushas, robotic animals are very useful. I swear everyone will want one someday!" Koschei said.

"I think if I get one, it'll be a canine they are more prone to obedience," Theta said looking at the scratches on his arm.

"Why even make a robot when you could grow your own servant from genetic material?" Ushas said.

"Now, now that's illegal." Theta said.

"Since when have you cared about that?" Ushas asked.

"No I mean really illegal not fun illegal," Theta said.

"When are we getting to the TARDIS?" Koschei said.

"It's right here," He said gesturing to a large boulder. "Or is it this one?"

Looking at the next one. He scratched his head.

"OR Maybe it's the GIANTIC NEON GREEN BLOW FISH with the Seal of Rassilon on it?" Ushas sighed.

"Yeah, Drax's uncle2 told me the camilieon circuit wasn't exactly working." Theta said.

"You bought from Drax's uncle?" Ushas said. "He's practically a con-artist!"

"You bought a TARDIS? Why not steal one?" Koschei said.

"Steal, you know I couldn't do that!" Theta exclaimed.

"Why not?" Koschei said.

"The probation anklet, remember?" Theta said pointing down at a large metal circle clamped around his left ankle. It had a blinking, winking series of lights.

"Ah yes." Koschei said. "You know I really appreciate you taking the fall for that."3

"I had to share a cell my with 400lb shobogan named B'ubb'a who didn't know what hygiene was and wanted me to be his wife!" said Theta. "Also did I mention sends shocks every hour to remind me to behave. Powerful shocks!"

"Yes, and I really appreciate it, I'd paid you back." Koschei said with a sly wink.

"Half a tin of bliss tea and a sloppy mind job4 is not pay back!" Theta grumbled.

"Are we going or aren't we?" Ushas said

"Yes," The boys chorused.

"So what model is this shitbox?" asked Koschei.

"Errr, it's a type 19," Theta said

"A what?!" Ushas shouted. "I think my great-grandfather flew one of these."

"It was the best deal on the lot, Drax's uncle said," Theta. "And it was all I could afford."

"How many rooms?" Asked Koschei.

"Twenty," said Theta.

"Three of us and only twenty rooms? We'll go mad!"Ushas said.

"What rooms?" Koschei asked.

"Errr well..." Theta said looking nervous.

"Does it have a library?" asked Ushas.

"No." Theta said.

"A swimming pool?" asked Koschei.

"No." said Theta.

"A lab?" Ushas asked.

"Well... there is a rather large walk in closet you could use." Theta said.

"Does it have a zero room? In case we regenerate or are really hung over?" Koschei asked.

"It has a zero... drawer..." Theta said.

His friends looked at the gigantic neon green blowfish gloomily, just then with a horrible sound the blowfish changed into shop that apparently sold very strange pornography or tapes on surgery.

Theta held up the key. He opened the door to to the TARDIS.  
They trudged in. The consol room smelled strongly of animals and urine. The lights on the wall flickered in a seizure inducing manner, until Koschei gave them a solid punch.5 And they were able to see around them for the first time. The roundel weren't round they were square, small rodents and bugs scuttled out of the light. The glass on the rotor was cracked, half the knobs and switches were missing and some of it held together with some sort of tape. And the sound of a bell tolling continously.

Koschei turned on KiT-T and placed the robot on the ground almost immediately it went scurrying after a rodent.

"I'll go fix this thing and you two can find yourself rooms." Theta said.

"That's the cloister bell isn't it?" Ushas said. "It's the we are knee-deep in feces bell right?"

"I can fix it!" Theta said.

"There's smoke pouring out of rotor now," said Koschei. "I think this TARDIS is d-y-i-n-g"

"IS NOT! It's just just... I'll make it better!" Theta said. He pressed a few switches and pushed a button or two. There was an awful grinding sound. "Oh.... bugger." the lights went out.

Ushas crashed into wall and slumped unconcious on to the floor.  
"What's going on!?" Ushas said as the TARDIS began to shake.

"Crash imminate Master," said KiT-T. "have a dead rovie6"  
And put a dead rodent at Koschei's feet.

"I know that! Why would I want a dead rovie?!" Kochei exclaimed.

"A token of my undying affection before we perish. Also in rare case of survival nourishment." KiT-T said.

And then Koschei was flung against another wall hit his head and prompting him to be knocked out.

"SHITSHITSHITSHIT! Hang on there girl, I know your old and tired but please, please don't let us die!" Theta cried. He pushed a button slapped the rotor, pushed more buttons, finally went under the consol and then he wept. Until KiT-T slammed into his head and blackness came.

The shaking stopped, the lights came on. The cloister bell's tolling ended. Ushas sat up and blinked. She had throbbing headache. She looked around. she took a syringe from her bag which thankfully hadn't spilled. She injected it. The headache was gone. She went over to her two prone friends and repeated the gesture. KiT-T was nonchalantly dismembering another rovie.

"My scans indicate they are alive," KiT-T said. "They'll wake up shortly.

"How do know?" Ushas asked.

"Know? I'm four legged alarm clock," KiT-T said flexing it's claws

KiT-T ambled over and poked Theta with a closed paw he stirred and woke mumbling: "I don't want to get up, where's my brekkers Mummy?"

KiT-T went over to Koschei and scratched at his legs he woke with start, wild eyes and screaming: "THE DRUMS!"

"Why is it always drums with you?" Ushas sighed. "Why can't you be scared of normal things like clowns or bubbles?"

"Who's scared of bubbles?" Theta said.

"She is, she's terrified of them," Koschei said.

"It's reasonable...." Ushas said.

"No." The boys chorused.

"What are you scared they'll do pop at you?" Theta said.

"She's afraid they'll engulf her, carry her off and pop somewhere high above the ground." Koschei said.

"I told you that in private!" Ushas cried.

"Yes, so we broke up," Koschei. "You turned me purple for a day."

"You deserved it!" Ushas said. "You broke my test tubes."

"You cheated on me with Runicble!" Koschei shouted.

"You said we were on a break so you could shag Theta!" Ushas said.

"Why not, you did?" Koschei said.

"It's not my fault I'm so sexy," Theta sighed contently.

"You're a slut," Koschei said.

"Easy as shobogan whore," Usahas said.

"You've all slept with each other," KiT-T said. "Three horomonal timeteens7 sharing a suite not surprising neither is the drama that follows."

They glared at the robotic cat.

"Should we shut off that thing's free will?" Usahas said.

"Program it to feel pain again?" Koschei suggested.

"Give it some respect for higher, living beings?" Theta said.

"How about all three?" KiT-T said. "If you can catch me."

And with a laugh it bounded away into the depths of the TARDIS.

"Naw," Koschei said with a smile. "I like it keeps us honest."

"I'll set up my things, I bagsy the room with the walk in closet," Ushas said.

"I get the one with the fewest vermin!" Koschei said.

"I'll fix this old thing," Theta said.

Theta actually managed to repair most of the problems he used duct tape to fix the rotor with the old TARDIS. Ushas set up her lab in the walk in closet. Koschei watched KiT-T kill and mutilate vermin and laughed. Sometime after Koschei served tea and biscuits. Bliss tea8 for himself and Theta and a light blue tea for Ushas. The biscuits were stale but Theta and Koschei devoured them. Ushas rolled her eyes as her friends rolled around on the floor and babbled.

"Come on Ushas join us, it's so nice..." Theta said.

"I feel so wonderful, I want to give everything a hug," Koschei said.

"Sorry, I prefer to keep my mind sharp." Ushas said. "Do you two tea heads know where we are?"

"I don't care," Koschei said staring at his fingers. "mmmmmm tingly tingle."

"Hee- heee...I bet it's lovely. I hope it's earth." Theta said. "I like earth 'cept the bits with the dinosaur."

"I don't, earth used to cool now everyone goes there," Koschei said.

"But it's nice there is much... stuff there. Oh it's tingling happy tingles," Said Theta.

"Sometimes you know I wish earth would blow p or get invaded so you'd shut up about it." Koschei said rolling on his stomach. "hee-heee I am so... so... wasted."

"Me toooo.......!" Theta said rolling closer to Koschei.

They began snogging."Oh great, Sometimes I wish I wasn't stuck with morons." Ushas said."Well at least I get a free show. If I wanted one."

She got up and found the door control opened the door and ventured out. the sky was green and below it was yellow sand dunes stretching out to a beach and turquoise water. The waves crash aganist the shore.

"Not earth you can come out!" She called.

And the two boys stumbled giggling they looked at the water and smiled. They stripped off their tunics and jumped into the water naked. She watched them splash and frolic. She sighed. "Why not?"

She poured herself a cup of the tea and drank deeply. When she wandered out she was smiling and feeling much happier. She took off her tunic and stepped into the water. Her friends turned to her. She held out her arms and they came to her, sensation over taking them, rolling in the shallow waves.

1 refers to Gallifreyans of different genders

2 Make-myself-rengenerate Dibbvar

3 An incident when very, very drunk on a rhizome based liquor they decided it would be a good idea to express their contempt for the government with paint, a sonic screwdriver and gallon of voritsaur semen.

4 Mind job: Telepathically stimulating the brain's pleasure center until orgasm occurs.

5 That always works.

6 A gallifreyan rodent like a mouse.

7 A period between Timetot and Timelord characterized by moping, infatuations, and loud music.

8 Gives the drinker a wonderful floaty feeling of happiness, contentment, peace, tingling makes things taste a flavor like ditch water. Doesn't affect humans.


End file.
